Welcome to Ask April, a no-nonsense advice column focusing on what it is you can do to correct things that need correcting. While we all know much in life is out of our control, and sometimes, our reaction is all we CAN control- we really do have a lot of personal power, thankfully. Our will is just as important as the wills of others around us, and while we need to be considerate, we also need to make sure others are equally considerate of us. It is my hope that when you write in to me, asking advice, that I can help you make a good decision that somehow improves whatever situation you’ve found yourself in. As with anything I share, I recommend people don’t automatically take my word for anything, but include my advice in with the rest of the things that help them make a decision. I wish you well. Read on.
Every other week, I answer a call for advice, and every other week, I share my views on something I observed- I call this Observational Wisdom.
Summertime is in full swing- it is July 5th, actually! So, since people are wearing shorts, sleeveless tops, and swimsuits, fat shaming is at it’s highest point for the year.
EVERY year, during summertime a battle rages against fat shamers, and people who are fat.
I said some people are fat.
I am sure you can tell from my picture that I’m fat too.
Unlike some of the folks similar to my size, I am not ashamed, I don’t feel unattractive, and I don’t care what other people think of me.
I’m also not going to go out of my way to be PC and use other terminology besides the f-word so as not to offend people.
Some people are dying to be offended, and I say let them be.
Some folks are brokenhearted somebody would say they are fat.
We ARE fat. So what? Why cooperate with some jackass who wants to see you crumble when they talk shit? The only reason people become offended when they are called fat is because people say we should. How about for just a moment, we step back, and choose not to allow people who want to hurt us to do so?
Some fat folks don’t like people saying that being fat is unhealthy. Well, it’s been proven that it is. Denying the facts won’t change anything.
Some fat folks get really upset when somebody else says they don’t find them attractive.
Why is this upsetting?
There are people you are also not attracted to. You don’t choose what turns you on, or what you think looks good. Why get upset if somebody is just like you and me, and has certain things that don’t get it for them?
Even moreso, why wish somebody wants you who doesn’t? It’s very unhealthy.
Basically, what I am saying is that if you are fat, like me, people are going to say stupid shit to you about your body. Don’t let people’s shitty comments make you upset.
These people are assholes and obviously don’t get enough attention at home, so they need to make themselves feel better by getting negative attention, which beats no attention at all.
Others have an inferiority complex, and need somebody to look down on to make themselves feel better.
I wish I could say I felt bad for them, but I don’t due to the way they seek to hurt others to make themselves feel better.
Now, as to those of you who ARE fat shamers who happen to be reading this, there are some things you obviously don’t realize.
Nobody needs your approval. There are people we all wish would change somehow, but just because we want them to does not mean they have to, nor are they going to.
Vocalizing your hostility does not make you right. People are not inferior or superior based on looks or body size.
We all know you don’t care about our physical health when you tell us being overweight is unhealthy. You just hate fat people.
When you tell somebody they disgust you due to their body size, you say nothing about their bodies and everything about what a nasty person you are.
Us fat people KNOW that we are fat. We are not blind. We do not require you to point out our obvious body size to us.
We will not cover up with more clothing to suit you because you say you cannot stand looking at so much of our skin. If you have no self-control, and cannot look away from things you do not like looking at, it isn’t other people’s problem, it’s yours.
You are absolutely miserable because there are people out there who don’t look the way you think they should. I can’t imagine what a horribly sad life you must lead since you have no control of other people’s weight and appearance!
Every Summer, I see videos, and articles where a fat person- usually a very pretty, young female one- makes public how she bravely went toe to toe with a fat shamer, and really gave them a piece of her mind. Lots of things get said in comments to said videos and articles ranging from fat shamers trolling, to people sticking up for our rights to be fat, and not be called what we are.
I’m not especially all that pretty, and I’m not young anymore, but I’ve gone toe to toe with more than one fat shamer. I told them everything I thought of them, right after them telling me what they thought of me and all other fat people, and they said all they wanted to, and so did I.
Not a damned thing changed. They still hate fat people. I still hate them for hating us. I wish they would shut the fuck up, and mind their own business. They wish fat people would hurry up, and lose weight, already. We both live to see another fine day of brawling over the topic of fat shaming with other people.
It’s old. As old as time itself, and instead of telling fat shamers to shut the fuck up, or crying, and begging them to stop “being mean”, or trying to justify being fat for various reasons ranging from genetics to being big boned, how about we just refuse to let other people’s opinions of us matter?
If I am specifically discriminated from some form of opportunity based on my weight, or actually personally attacked for it, then I’ll do something about it. However, I can’t control somebody else’s opinion of me any more than somebody can control the opinion I form based on the way they are.
We are all entitled to our opinions, and some people are just too immature to keep from blurting out all of theirs. I can’t change them, but I can change whether I let them get to me about my weight. It’s not worth my time, or emotional energy to allow myself to be hurt by people who don’t even know me, but who want to make me feel like the shit they say I am.
Now if you will excuse me, I have just made a lovely pork broth, and I am boiling noodles to go along with it. 😊