Wow, it has been forever since I’ve sat down to write on here. This is my first post in a few months. Sometimes life happens and things get put on the back-burner, and then shit just piles up. I’ve had the itch to write again for a while now, but I wasn’t sure on the topic to write about. Today something happened that finally gave me a reason. That thing was a blue circle.
I’ll be honest.. This is not gonna be my most “professional” post. Let’s face it, grandma I know your gonna yell at me for a few words I put in here but that’s okay because I am feeling some type of way right now, and the best way for me to get this emotion out is to use some unprofessional words.
Alright, so about this circle.. I’m gonna give you a little back story. Today is Saturday, May 13th. The day before mothers day. Obviously mothers day is a special day to people for various reasons. Today I got to go out to my dads and spend time with my family. It was a little more special to us though today. My step-brother Garrett recently just returned home from Basic Training. The dude is a badass and I seriously have all the respect in the world for the kid. I’ve watched him grow up since he was about 4 years old, and I know damn well that his brother Colton would be extremely proud of him.
Colton is another reason today is a little more special to our family. A few years back on Mothers day, Colton came out to visit his mom Kellee, and when he hugged her goodbye, nobody knew that it would be the last hug she would receive from him before he passed away.. I really don’t like talking about this still, and Kellee if your reading this I hope that your ok with me sharing it..but I think that detail is a huge factor in the emotions I’m feeling.
Even though Kellee is technically my “step-mom” and Garrett is technically a “step-brother” that has never been the case in my eyes. Me and Colton became good friends back in about the 4th grade…way before Kellee and my dad got married. I used to go over to Colton’s house all the time and he would always come to mine as we grew up. Hell, I went on multiple camping trips with Steve, Kellee, Colton and Garrett. They even brought me on a vacation to North Carolina. It was awesome. I remember us getting accused of drinking their alcohol (which I swear never really happened) and I remember getting yelled at because we moved the sleeper sofa out onto the porch at night because we wanted to sleep outside and hear the ocean. Me and Colton were tight. And because we were tight, that meant picking on “Gary” as we liked to call him. We always said he talked like a New Yorker because of the accent he had as a kid. Me and Colton would often spent our summers down at the baseball fields and sure enough whenever I would least expect it there was little Garrett coming up and bear-clawing the back of my head, I would turn around as he would laugh and run away….It used to piss me off so bad!
But I digress, The reason Mothers Day is a little more special is because I know Mothers day is hard for Kellee. Shit, it’s hard for me. But this isn’t about me. Kellee has been so strong through this these past few years, and honestly I can’t put into words how much she cares not just about me, but my brothers too. She really treats Aric, Alex and I as if we were her own from day one. That’s really special to me. Not everybody is lucky enough to have a “step-parent” come in and be so loving.
So with the combination of Garrett being back from Basic Training, and it being the day before Mothers Day it was special for us all to be around each other today. While the food was being cooked my dad handed everybody a piece of paper with nothing on it but a blue circle.
He told us “write what you see”
I swear we asked about 50 damn questions trying to figure out what he meant. He just kept repeating “write what you see”
So eventually we did. We all thought that this was going to be some kind of joke where we all come out of it looking like a bunch of idiots. So naturally, we were over thinking it. Seriously it took us a solid 10 minutes to start writing shit down. Dad said “we will read them when were sitting around the fire”
So we eat our food and laugh and talk among eachother. We ask Garrett about his time in boot camp. Aric and Taylor just got back from their cruise to Mexico, so they were telling us some of their stories (i’m still waiting on more) about their trip. When its all said and done and we finish eating our food we eventually make our way out by the fire.
Alex being the impatient little shit that he is asks if we can read the blue circles now. Dad agrees. He starts going through them
“circle, blue, ink, paper, black circle, paper” -Mine 😉
*Aric puts some paragraph describing the blue circle in an unnecessary amount of detail*
“Blue Circle, on piece of paper” -Taylor
I know what your thinking, and yes after the 50 questions and the long process of overthinking it, these are the genius answers that our brilliant minds come up with…we are a special group.
Dad separated Taylor and I’s papers from the rest. And proceeds to tell us this story: “I saw something the other day about this test, and wanted to try it on you guys. The task was simply to write what you see, and pretty much all the answers were focused on the blue circle or blue dot. What was basically ignored is the entire white rectangular background..it wasn’t even directly mentioned. That’s the problem with a lot of people and their life is that everybody is so focused on the blue dot, the stuff in the background becomes invisible”
If I’m being 100% honest, for anybody that knows my dad, this is normally where the joke happens…and I think it’s what we were all anticipating…But that was it… That was the message. And it kind of took us a minute to kind of get our heads around the fact that there was no punchline coming, and for us to take in the message he was giving us.
I’m gonna leave out the part where he let us know that we were what is important to him as he may or may not have gotten slightly choked up…but i’m not gonna mention that.
In that moment I had no words. My mind raced for something nice to say back, but all I could come up with was…nothing. It made me think. It made me realize about the background shit that I’ve been ignoring and how important to me that it is. It made me realize about how “busy” I think I am and the excuses I come up with in my head for shit that really shouldn’t even matter. It made me realize how grateful I am to have a Dad that would read that message and think of his kids. I swear to God Dad, if you only could realize the impact you’ve had on me in my life, if there was a singular way for me to show you the amount that I appreciate everything you’ve done for me…I can’t even write this without my eyes filling up with tears. I hope you understand that tonight even though I didn’t say anything when we did this test, it’s not because I didn’t appreciate it, its because I didn’t know how to SHOW you I appreciated it. I think you know that messages like that and the Tessies Tidbits you show me always stick with me and I know damn well those messages you teach me will always live on through me, and hopefully whenever I have kids I can pass them lessons on to them…kinda in a “Parker taught me that” sorta way and then your messages will live on through my kids as well.
Its also made me realize how awesome Kellee is for us. That’s why I wanted to give the backstory, to anyone who reads it to understand the unique kind of relationship we have and that not many can relate to. Kellee and Garrett you guys might technically have the words “step” in front of mother and brother, but trust me that don’t mean anything. You are my mother and my brother and I love you guys.
Also to my family that wasn’t really mentioned in this story, each and every one of you may feel like I have kind of made you my “white rectangular background” but trust me when I say you are my blue circle. You are what I focus on, and everything I do I take you into consideration. Every person on my family has been part of the puzzle piece that has made me into the man that I am today.