Welcome to Ask April, a no-nonsense advice column focusing on what it is you can do to correct things that need correcting. While we all know much in life is out of our control, and sometimes, our reaction is all we CAN control, we really do have a lot of personal power, thankfully. Our will is just as important as the wills of others around us, and while we need to be considerate, we also need to make sure others are equally considerate of us. It is my hope that when you write in to me, asking advice that I can help you make a good decision that somehow improves whatever situation you’ve found yourself in. As with anything I share, I recommend people don’t automatically take my word for anything, but include my advice in with the rest of the things that help them make a decision. I wish you well. Read on.
We just got rid of a roommate who has issues paying his share of rent and bills, and had an explosive temper. We did not kick him out. We simply sat him down and explained his outbursts and irresponsibility were unacceptable, and he had to shape up. He also had a fetish I won’t mention, which he exposed us to, and when we talked to him, we also told him he had to keep that to himself. He responded by throwing another fit, and stomping out of the apartment. He went to stay with mutual friends, leaving us short for the month for rent. Then, he started telling our mutual friends we threw him out, and one issue was the fact he could not be free to practice his fetish in front of us, as well as whoever showed up at the apartment anytime he saw fit. He then posted all about his fetish on his social media page before deleting it later. He had originally said people could share the post and discuss with whomever. Well, I saved the post and shared it afterwards, and I’m not sorry. I have been accused of disrespecting his fetish and outing him. Am I wrong? Should we have been expected to witness what we were uncomfortable with, and was it wrong for me to pass on the fact he came out with his fetish? SHOULD I be sorry? For anything?
Sorry not Sorry
Dear Sorry not Sorry,
I popped a BIG batch of popcorn for this letter!
This was good reads for me!
In a NUTshell, your ex roomie sounds like an immature baby with the outbursts, and tantruming, and lack of financial responsibility. Good riddance to them! You should be glad they are gone.
There is a major difference in having a personal fetish, and being an exhibitionist. People with fetishes selectively share with other people who have the same fetish. It is rude and disrespectful to impose it on people who are repulsed or just not interested. That you set a personal boundary was not wrong, and you should not be sorry. I can’t imagine how guests must have felt!
Notice that, in true exhibitionist fashion, ex roomie outed themselves, and then threw yet another fit when somebody else stated they were into whatever they are into. It’s on them that people are talking. ALWAYS keeo personal business to yourself, and that way, nobody will know it. Ex roomie is basking in all the attention they are getting, and if people are feeling sorry for him, they have a lot to learn about human behavior. You should not be sorry for talking about what they began talking about.
You should not be sorry you told ex roomie they had to pay their share either.
You should not be sorry you out your foot down.
You should not be sorry for anything.
Said roomie owes you an apology, but I doubt you will get it.
I hope you never have to tolerate anything like this ever again.