Disclaimer: It is highly unlikely that this conversation actually occurred.
The scene: Heaven, over 2,000 years ago. No names have been changed to protect the innocent.
God: Hey Jesus, I need to see you a minute.
Jesus: Sure Dad, what’s up?
God: Well, I’ve been working on this plan where you go down to Earth and kinda straighten things out a bit. You know, tell them all about me.
Jesus: No problem dad, I’ll catch the next cloud down.
God: That’s not exactly what I had in mind.
Jesus: Ok, how do you want to work this?
God: You’re going to be born down there.
Jesus: Uh, born? You mean like be a baby?
Jesus: Won’t it be hard for me to tell people about you if I don’t know how to talk?
God: That will come around soon enough…after you do the diapers and all that stuff.
Jesus: Uh, Dad. Is that really necessary? Can’t I just ‘poof’ may way down and start preaching?
God: No, I like the idea of you being born. I’m going to have you born of a virgin.
Jesus: A virgin? You mean like a young unmarried girl?
God: Well, she’s young, but she’s married to a guy name Joe.
Jesus: And she’s still a virgin? You’re kidding, right?
God: Nope, I sent an angel down to check her out. Got a great report.
Jesus: But won’t Joe get a little suspicious when he finds out his wife is pregnant?
God: No, she will simply explain that she was impregnated miraculously.
Jesus: Yeah, I’m sure most husbands would buy that explanation.
God: He’s not exactly a rocket scientist.
Jesus: They haven’t invented rockets yet Dad.
God: Good point son.
Jesus: Dad, I don’t think they have any really good maternity hospitals down there right now. This could be dangerous.
God: That won’t matter. You’ll be born in a manger.
Jesus: A manger? Isn’t that where they keep cows and goats and stuff like that?
God: Now you got it!
Jesus: Gee Dad, with this big Jewish nose I’ve got…the smell could be pretty bad.
God: That won’t be a problem. Three wise guys are going to bring you some good smelling stuff. Your mom can spray it around a bit.
Jesus: Why would they do that?
God: Because they want to visit the son of God.
Jesus: You mean you are going to publicize this?
God: No, but they will know.
Jesus: How will they know?
God: You weren’t listening. They are wise.
Jesus: Ok Dad, whatever you say. But it seems like we’re wasting a lot time with that baby stuff.
God: You’ll have plenty of time.
Jesus: Yeah, I guess so. The life expectancy is a lot longer now than it used to be. If I start right out of high school I could preach for a long time.
God: They don’t have high schools. And besides, you’ll be 30 years old before you start preaching.
God: You’re gonna work as a carpenter for a while first.
Jesus: A carpenter? Why would I do that?
God: Cause it will look real good when the Bible is written.
Jesus: So first I’m going to be a baby. Then I’m going to be a carpenter. Then I start preaching at age 30. Well, I guess I’ll still have 20 years or so.
God: Not exactly.
Jesus: Now what?
God: You’re going to die when you are about 32.
Jesus: Die? Jesus Dad! You mean like an accident or something? An illness?
God: You’re going to be crucified.
Jesus: You mean like when they nail you to a cross, make you wear a crown of thorns, stick a sword into your side, and leave you hanging there?
Jesus: Uh Dad…is this really necessary?
God: Sure, it will make a fabulous story. People will worship you for thousands of years, or at least until the scientists start figuring things out.
Jesus: But Dad. It would much simpler if I just dropped down on a cloud. I could heal some people, give a few blind people their sight back, maybe bring a couple of people back to life. I could make wine out of water. Hell…ooops, heck…I could even do a little walking on water for them. Then they would believe anything I said.
God: Yes, but it wouldn’t make such a good story.
Jesus: You in the publishing business now?
God: Don’t get smart Jay. You may be my only begotten son now, but I can begot all the sons I want if you don’t want the job.
Jesus: Of course Dad. I’ll do whatever you say. But if it’s that bad down there why don’t you just wipe them all out like you did with Noah and that big boat?
God: I just hate to have to start all over again. And it’s hard on the environment. And the water bill is ridiculous.
Jesus: So let me see if I’ve got this. I’m gonna be born of a married virgin, go through all that teething and stuff, then work as a carpenter until I’m 30 years old, then suddenly realize I’m the son of God and start preaching until I get murdered a couple of years later.
God: That’s pretty much it.
Jesus: Just one question Dad. How do I get back up here?
God: Catch the next cloud up.
Jesus: I hope the book sells well.